its that time again...

its already Wednesday again so time for confessions, here goes....

-I am a little worried that E might think that Matt Lauer is her daddy, or the whole Today show family for that matter....

-If E is fighting her nap I might decide that that is the best time for me to shower....water + bathroom fan on high = serenity....if even for just a minute

-I would totally be ok eating out 95% of the time

-My dog is way more high maintenance than our sweet girl. He is beyond needy. It makes E look like a walk in the park. (actually that is probably just what he needs)

-i HATE packaging up and taking out the diaper genie. So much so that I will make a jenga like stack on top of it until I can't put it off any longer. And then I'll ask Chris to do it.

- I turn the radio up obnoxiously loud on my way to work on Wednesday and Thursdays. It is the only time I am in the car by myself. Its an added bonus if it is an old school rap song. (specifically Nelly :)

thats all I've got for today... is it really only 8:30? Come on Friday!

Don't forget to link up with E, Myself, and I to share yours.

7 months...

Sweet E is 7 months tomorrow. She had her doctors appointment today and the ruling is....she's still a peanut. 25% in weight and 51% in height. (I'm a little jealous of her stats) Our doctor is wonderful and I always leave feeling like a weight has been lifted off. Its pretty therapeutic. I would go more often if that was socially acceptable. Like weekly. She is loving Riggs, food, and happily squealing as loud as humanly possible for her little body. It is hilarious and she keeps us laughing daily. She is working on that second tooth so it is taking a little more to keep her entertained this week. So lots of ridiculous dance moves from me, A LOT of Brown Bear, Brown Bear and a few doses of Motrin. Oh and Excedrin for me. :) E hasn't been taking the bottle as well since the addition of solids. She can't get enough solids but the bottle has been take it or leave it, leaving this nurse mama fighting to make sure she gets the minimum 24 oz a day. Well guess what? That magic number is not so magic. When he said I didn't have to force feed, i mean offer more :), you might as well have told me you got me a night at the Charleston Place. Well not quite but pretty close. Its ridiculous the things we stress about.

Speaking of, I just read "Sippy Cups are Not For Chardonnay". If I could write a book about the challenges of being a new mom this may be it. Minus some vulgarity and a few slams at some doctrine I do agree with. But all in all she puts a refreshingly honest spin on the what I believe is the biggest change we experience. I laughed and cried and read half of it out loud to Chris. It was one of those I wish I had picked up before we had E. But of course I didn't read a single thing until after she was born. And then that was out of desperation. And realizing that my former thought of "I'm a nurse, I know this stuff" didn't have a leg to stand on. If you are expecting and appreciate some good humor and a healthy dose of real life, you will love it. Although you may be able to relate to it even more once your little one has arrived.

Waving to her new favorite toy

No bath is complete without Ellie (she told me thats her name)

Time to go hold this sweet girl until those nasty shots wear off. See you tomorrow for confessional :)

MIdweek Confession Time

Yup its Wednesday so its time to be real....Here goes this week's confessions...

-E woke up at 5:00 this morning when our neighbors woke up (BOO) I may have turned off the monitor and opted to just open our door, that way I could hear if she got really upset, but could go back to sleep if it was just a little whining. have i mentioned i don't do mornings?

-I was trying to call a patient at work today. I picked up the phone but dialed the number on the computer. And then proceeded to get frustrated when i was just getting dial tone. (in my defense, the two highly technical pieces of equipment are right beside each other)

-Sometimes I make to do lists with things I've already done included, just so i can cross them off really fast

-I despise meal planning. I don't know why but it stresses me out. I'm attempting to get over it. Pinterest is helping.

-Chris told me to check my email the other night. So naturally I went to www.email.com

Apparently Emerson has zapped my brain.

And that's all I've got.... I'm struggling through People's Choice Awards then calling it a night.

What are your confessions? Link up with E, Myself, and I to share.

Letting go

Emerson should be napping. She's not. I don't know whether to blame the teething or the gutter man outside that decided afternoon nap time would be the perfect time to tackle the gutter above her window. I'm giving her a minute to see if she will decide that she is indeed still tired and put herself back to sleep. Wishful thinking. Enter frustration. I like a schedule. I like things to be predictable. I like to be in control. I love being a mom but I'm not sure any of these things go hand in hand with having a new baby. In reality they are almost opposites. I am not crazy scheduled, but for us it has worked to have a fairly predictable routine on most days. We still throw out the regimen for fun nights out or travel or pretty much anything where the pros outweigh the cons. That's how we decided to operate and E does really well with it. But I am learning. I am learning I am not in control. That there is no calculated formula that makes a nap last 2 1/2 hours vs an hour. That there are more uncontrolled variables than I would like to admit. And I am adjusting. I no longer bang my fist into my pillow (yes i did this) when E wakes up too early and I fear the whole day's schedule to be off. I am ok if she decides not to finish a bottle, we will work in the other ounces somewhere else. I am letting go. Letting go of the battle for perfection. Its doesn't have to be perfect. It has to work. If we have a healthy happy girl at the end of the day then I'm chalking that up as a success. I am type a, competitive to the core, and while there have been times these traits have served me well there have been just as many when they try and take me down. Emerson is growing. I am growing. The Lord is using her to teach me. To teach me about grace. About letting go. Turning it over. Because the battle to do, do, do only brings about defeat. And defeat is not from Him. And that's how a nap schedule yields to some serious self-reflection :)

And on a completely different note....anyone watching this ridiculous Bachelor. I have decided to DVR it so I am only wasting one hour of my life vs. the full two. ;) How's that for justifying?

"you is good..."

Can you guess what movie I finally watched this weekend? Yes, I know I am a little behind but we don't quite make it to opening week as often as we used too. We watched "The Help" Friday night and it was amazing. I am going to have to read the book now...(i know i do it backwards) I rented Twilight before I ashamedly jumped on that bandwagon and read the whole series. Yes not a proud moment. Chris likes to remind me of my ridiculousness, and after wasting time and money on going to see the last movie I think his judgement is valid. Anyways... I want to get a print done of Aibileene's saying "You is good, you is kind, you is important" for E's room. Do you think it will confuse her grammatically? It may just be worth it. I love it. My teacher mom has started saying it all the time so that means that it must be acceptable or at least a "teachable moment" as she would say.

We had a perfect winter day on Saturday. Temperature in the 70s and sunny skies. That is my kind of January. We took E downtown and enjoyed our first walk through the newly renovated market. (yes i know this is also old news as well) It reminded me so much Fanuil Hall in Boston, which is one of our favorite cities. I love the addition of the restaurants and wider isles. I will no longer curse the tourists and the feeling of being herded cattle downtown....at least not till the summer :) We grabbed lunch outside at Amen Street and E decided to take her lunch by the Pineapple fountain. I swear she could have stayed downtown the whole day. E + outside = happiest girl I've ever seen.

In other E news, we have a TOOTH! Finally poked its way through. I guess that explains the rough night she had after the Orange Bowl. (We thought she was just empathizing with us) And the bright red cheeks that I was beginning to think was Fifth's Disease. Yeah sometimes its not so great to be a nurse. She had also been chewing her bottom lip like a little old man without dentures. My mom was saying how she looked so cute doing it, i replied that it looked like tardive dyskinesia ( a side effect from anti-psychotic medication) Oh how there are some things from nursing school I wish I could forget. Either way E has her first pearly white even though she refuses to let me get a good glimpse of it. Ill post a picture as soon as she decides to showcase it.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend! For the first time since probably before Christmas I feel like I can look at Monday and not want to crawl back in the bed for just 5 more min... :)

I'm linking up with emyselfandi for midweek confessions. Why? Because its nice to know you are not the only new mom losing your mind :) And i appreciate honesty. I've got a whole other post on that one later but for now on to the self-deprecation....

-On tuesday morning i attempted to poor my coffee into a bottle

(please note the bottles are in a completely different cabinet than my mugs and we use drop-ins)

- I completely forgot the gate code to our condo complex. Like tried every combination and could not remember. Had to call chris. (we have lived here for 2 1/2 years)

- I was actually relieved when Christmas was over. This may be the first time ever. I love love love Christmas. Chris thinks I love it too much. I so enjoyed seeing it through E's eyes this year, but after I took down the final decorations I almost felt a waive of relief.

-I set entirely too high expectations for myself (and often times others too)

-I had my yearly after christmas strep throat and was given a ton of steroids to get the swelling down, which made me feel like i was on speed, hence the quick removal of the christmas decor. I may ask for prednisone every year to tackle the project.

-I may plan to take a Benadryl on Friday night just to get a solid night of sleep.

E sleeps wonderfully, for some reason I can not.

- I always like to make a lot of plans for the nights during the week but then by the time 7pm gets here all i want to do is put on pj's and watch parenthood.

Almost friday and weekend time! This week felt crazy long and I cannot wait to welcome the weekend.

and we're off...

Off to a new year and off to new moves from E. Apparently we are ready to crawl (I am not, she has other plans) When we got home last night from New Years in Columbia, I put E down on her mat while I unpacked. As I walked back into the den she was up on all fours, rocking on her knees. She may be ready but I need a heads up. Time to rearrange the bottom kitchen cabinets and maybe make the dog's toy basket not quite so accessible.

Today we are thankful for our sweet girl, a new year, and a free day. (free days = days i didn't know chris didn't have to work :) I am a pretty concrete person. I like a beginning and an end. Probably why I enjoy surgical nursing. There is a clear start time to a case and a final suture placed. I enjoy new years because it is a clear distinction of a new beginning. I am well aware that the date does not have to be Jan. 1st to start something new or change a focus, but it seems like a nice clear cut time to this black and white girl. However I'm not big on resolutions. I am a fan of show me, don't tell me so I don't have a bulleted list. Except my errand to go sign up at the gym....yes I am that person today. That being said I am more than excited to start a new year with my family. To learn from our mistakes, to find joy in the small things, and to be continually thankful for all of our blessings. Happy 2012!